I disappear into the person I love....if I love you, you can have everything. you can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dogs money, my dogs time- everything......I will give you all this and more until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.

Lusty audition how I imagined it would go

I strip naked of everything except my shoes. The prettiest shoes I own and I step onto red carpet and bright lights and mirrors all around, up and down. Back inside the glass box that contains her. She looks me dead in the eyez. "Honey, I'm hoooome." her singsong voice enters the room, something sexy is playing in the background and there she goes flirting with every single person behind a glass window. "See me? I'm your dream come true. Pull down your pants, ladies and gentlemen, Dulce has come to bring your orgasms." Her lips spread across her face, she sways her hips from side to side to the beat of the melody playing and whispers dirty secrets. "Show me the private place in the back of your mind and the jewels in between your legs. Rub it real nice for me." She gazes at you like she knows you, like she's been your lover since middleschool and all throughout high school. Sweet like lollipops, with edges all around; swords and razorblades. She dances in those 3 inches heels defying gravity, shows you slowing inch by inch the lining of her pussy. Smiles a wetsugar smile, Dulce is only getting started. "Come closer to me." She demands it," Could you imagine what my skin could feel like behind this glass window, rubbing against you? Hahahaha, don't you wish!? As if you could bare it without cumming too soon." Almost cruel. Something behind in her eyez that make you beg for it and she bends over, almost touches the floor, on her knees, ass up, dewy open mouth staring back at you, she's licking her lips, oh, even as I'm watching all of this happen from inside my own head I can't believe this is me. "You can't run, sweetheart. You're mine, give me a nice fat bill in that slot, stay with me forever." I dunno how what it is about her that makes you wanna empty your pockets for her time. Her mouth, her tongue, her neck, maybe her legs, definetly her pussy. She sees you rub yourself faster, grinding against your fingers wishing and praying and begging for her to become real in front of you, so close, oh god... And my ten mintues is up. Dulce waves at the crowd like a queen, glides up on two feet and struts off the stage smirking.

labored heavy breathing my lungs collapsed in my body and I had the need to suck in air at every moment that passes and I'm unable to satify this hunger for oxygen
so I turn blue
my flesh is purple and blue from lack of health blood flow
and this is how I feel about you
inconsiderate of my feelings always put yourself first, expect me to do the same
you cant see any abuses because your eyes are focused on yourself.
I need so much space
your laugh creeps me the wrong way
DIEGO!!!!! I'm so angry with you I could shake you, slap you into reality
I'm tired of holding you like a child
tired like a vieja doing 40 years of hard labor
i can't live with you I can't live with you
you've got this image of who you are in your head
far from reality
still have more to learn
about being compassionate
to those around you
and I am not your mother. My flesh is black and blue
you don't notice anything, stuck in your own head/world
I don't matter until it is convinient and I am exhausted
from carrying you last semester
while you watched somewhere from a distance
in a cloud of bullshit gullonty and bliss
while I bore the reality of my not-as-privileged life.
You can't even agknowlege how spoiled you are,
don't even realize your whiteness
how you invade and conquer,
take over
my brown and selfless truth
to become disposible at your will
I exist without you.
That's why I'M Frida
and Diego hardly exists without her.

The skin has been on my mind today. I've been reading dense literature on the subject of skin and color.
Racism in society, this virus that became ubiquitous inside those human beings
complexities and idiocies and no nothings. Skin that peals back bones and blood all alike but somehow
this system pretends we all have different colored blood. We are different species? All human but still unequal?
Why? I don't qualify for too many privileges under the law,
I'm still good for nothing, was once "white" in this country when the white stole the land I could cross in
Mexicans were "white" in 1848 because only 3 categories of race existed. Only 3 categories of race existed in 1848. That was how many years ago? And how far have we come? Our intelligence is limited and still we have the internet. Neverending supply of instant gratification, self-hating, self-numbing advertisement all across your skin. Your skin. your skiiiiiiiiiiin.

The end.

let's play with ethnicity

It is clear to me that my thoughts are scattered like blossoms fallen from a tree
all over the ground encompassing my trunk of knowledge and power
surrounding my intuition to let you go but still I love you so
and why I do not know
I thought this time passed so that eventually I'd be able to forgive my past
my Self for loving so cruel a girl undeserving of love
way back then
and now the sex is so much better when we love and there is no hate in between my legs
her mouth is heaven compared to yours at least she can hit the spot that I need
unlike you, the pleasure was all yours,
I was the one being penetrated by your ambivalence towards women
it is clear to me that my thoughts are nebulous
beset by difficulties of the heart and mind
We trudge in murky oceans searching
for peace.

I thought with my wings I could fly but I am hesitating to jump
my fear is to fall
plunge back into a bacteria
a cancer and hell
I can't speak to you anymore. I thought I was ready to face my demons.
It's been less than two years with no break in between.
You are a reflection of myself.
A self hating little girl that never learned her lessons.
I refuse to be that tiny girl that fights for more violence.
Now, at least, I can stand on two feet instead of two knees begging
I've still got a long way to go
I can barely see the horizon, I must be so low.

wild beautiful girl,
bones I can see through
skin I can stretch over canvas.
Paint your body and make you beautiful.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, sunken stomach pulling you down to the floor.
Ankles are bruised from the heels on your feet
and your eyez turning and turning inside your skull,
this globe is overwhelmed with your present state of being.

Miss me, lovely?
We dance like the world has ended
so we have triumphantly lived our lives as best as we can right??
As best as we can??

Knuckles are bloody messed up ruins because I loved you.
My throat had lost it’s box for voice.
I’m scarred on the inside back when it mattered so much.

Wild evil demon woman, you and I are the same person.
And I ran from you in circles like a rat on a wheel.
Towards you and away from you, but always in the same direction.

Miss me Miss me Now you wanna kiss me
I’ve already eaten the apple so now I’m immune.